All the Single Ladies!!! ...’put a ring on it‘

A review of Beyonce's 'single ladies' ...

Hey.. remember this ‘song’, I bet every single woman sang, hummed or prayed the song lol.
Let me refresh your memory but please guys, you should read through and tell us, ‘if you like it so much, why cant you put a ring on it’?

"Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)"

All the single ladies (All the single ladies) {5x}
Now put your hands up

[Verse 1]
Up in the club, we just broke up
I'm doing my own little thing
You decided to dip but now you wanna trip
Cause another brother noticed me
I'm up on him, he up on me
don't pay him any attention
Cause I cried my tears, for three good years
Ya can't be mad at me

[Chorus:]
Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it

Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh{2x}

[Chorus]

[Verse 2]
I got gloss on my lips, a man on my hips {I absolutely love this part lol}
Hold me tighter than my Dereon jeans
Acting up, drink in my cup
I could care less what you think
I need no permission, did I mention
Don't pay him any attention
Cause you had your turn
And now you gonna learn
What it really feels like to miss me

[Chorus]

Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh {2x}
[Bridge]
Don't treat me to these things of the world
I'm not that kind of girl
Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve
Is a man that makes me then takes me
And delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond
Pull me into your arms
Say I'm the one you want
If you don't, you'll be alone
And like a ghost I'll be gone

All the single ladies (All the single ladies){5x}
Now put your hands up

Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh {2x}

[Chorus x2] Wuh uh oh

Single Ladies has to be the catchiest song (and most mesmerizing dance video) of the last decade. Last week my friend sent me a text that it was in her head on the way to work and thus of course it was in my head for the next few days. Over and over. I apologize for the fact that I’ve also now probably put it in your head too…sing with me now, all the single ladies!
But as I listened to the song straight on repeat last week for like, a week, I had that ongoing metaconversation as I was enjoying – it’s such a problematic song, it is, it isn’t – I don’t want to be an it, and I certainly don’t want my partner to ‘put a ring on it’ – the power dynamics are so real and so ridiculous in this context.
But I do like having gloss on my lips and a man on my hips, and, more to the point, I do want to get engaged and then married. Soon. And like Beyonce, it has been three long years. I have found myself increasingly focused on how much I want to get married to my current partner, and trying to work through what’s going on here. Note: I’m female and my partner is male, so we’re already privileged to be able to even have this option. I’m sure we will get married on paper some point in the next few years no matter what, since I’m American and he’s South African, and to move to either country being married would be convenient visa-wise. I am so grateful I have this legal option given things are as they are in that marriage is the only way most countries recognise relationships for the purposes of everything from legal entry to a whole heap of other benefits. This is straightforwardly fucked up – and it’s not what I’m debating about.

No, for me, I find I fantasize about having an engagement ring on my finger (even if I know I’d split the cost 50/50 with a partner or pay for it myself). I want a wedding and I have planned out mostly the broad outlines of what I’d want to happen to make it a special and as non-patriarchal ceremony as possible. But my partner doesn’t want to get married. He thinks it’s an outdated institution, and just plain doesn’t think it’s necessary or a means of relationship recognition worth supporting (otherwise than for getting a visa when necessary).
It makes me question this – why do I want to have a wedding? Yeah I want a lovely community ceremony, but do I want to get engaged for the attention, for a way of having my relationship, which I and my partner are totally committed to and love, just recognised as important by others? Am I just affected by the overwhelming impetus towards the ‘being a bride’ stuff? How validated I’d feel by having a ring on my finger? That there is a latent part of me that feels that unless my partner gets down on one knee and then also proclaims ‘I do’ in front of our family and friends that he doesn’t really love me, or isn’t truly committed?
Basically, feministing-ers to whom this situation is familiar, any thoughts of how you’ve got married/civil union’ed or not married/civil union’ed and why, and what debates you went through would be much appreciated. I’m thrilled to have found someone I feel this seriously about, but I’m struggling to work through how strong my desire for a wedding is compared to my partner’s strong aversion, and how we’ll work this out in a feminist friendly way…

I also remember Jennifer Anniston in ‘he’s just not that into you’{topic for another day}, her boyfriend of 7 years did not see a ned to put a ring on it, why guys?

...Guys if you can’t put a ring on it, hey don’t get mad when you see that another ‘HE’ want it #
 

By Emmajane | Published: March 28, 2011 and review by promise on September 22nd, 2011.

Single and VERY READY to Mingle... Like Duh!

My name is LIZZY and I am 26years today. Ever since I was growing up everyone fussed over ME every time because of my beauty... I am nice, I smile always, I hang out occasionally, I help out a lot, I can cook very well, am 5 feet 7, am a size 8, I have a good job, a beautiful body etc ... You want to get married. It's taken a while to admit it. Saying it out loud -- even in your mind -- feels kind of desperate, kind of unfeminist, kind of definitely not you, or at least not any you that you recognize. Because you're hardly like those girls on TLC saying yes to the dress and you would never compete for a man like those poor actress-wannabes on The Bachelor, at the end of the day you ask yourself – WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME?

I have never stopped dreaming of my aqua-blue ring box. Humph!

I finally start dating this great guy and all of a sudden, something happened... one break-up then another. At my brother's wedding, his wife-elect asked me to be a bridesmaid, and suddenly there I was, wondering how in hell you came to be 36-years-old, walking down the aisle wearing something halfway decent from YAGEE Couture that you could totally repurpose with a cute pair of boots and a jean jacket. You started to hate the bride -- she was so crazy happy -- and for the first time ever you began to have feelings about the fact that am not married. I never really cared that much before. But suddenly (it was so sudden) i find myself wondering... Deep, deep breath... Why am i not married? after-all Bola , Efe, Mercy, Benita and the list is endlesss 'sighs'.... they are all married 'who would have thought that i the hottest and coolest will still be single? oh God save me from this shame... pleeeeeaaaaassssseeeeeeeee'.....

Well, I am not certain i know why even with all the advise and counselling. From all the therapy these are a few of what I gathered;

But I won't lie. I still can’t help thinkingwhat is the problem? ‘The problem has to be the men, not me! YES!!! Errrmm seriously thats not true , lets face it i must have a share in it.. Sure, there are lame men out there, but the okay ones are not really standing in nor coming my way. Because the fact is -- if whatever I am doing right now was going to get me married, i'd already have a ring on it. I have so researched this issue and topic to the point of making me a naturally inclined ‘singles & spinsters counsellor ...chuckles, So without further ado, let's look at the top six reasons why you and I are not married. Is that the following are now true?

1. We're too Bride-zealous
Here’s what I mean by that. I mean you're angry and forceful. You probably don't think you're angry. You think you're super smart, or if you've been to a lot of therapy, that you're setting boundaries. But the truth is you're pissed. At yourself and it's scaring men off.
The deal is: most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them like ‘I am the mother of a 13-year-old boy’ to them which is like living with the single-cell protozoa version of a husband. Here's what my son wants out of life: indomie and egg, a video game, and Kim Kardashian. Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? No I didn't think so and thats why she got herself a mummy’s boy.. You've seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle, and make a sex tape. Female anger terrifies men. I know it seems unfair that you have to work around a man's fear and insecurity in order to get married -- but actually, it's perfect, since working around a man's fear and insecurity is the big part of what we'll be doing as wife. You can’t really ever please a man, they are like babies who don’t know exactly what they want, changing their minds every second, though it wont hurt for us to relax a bit.

2. We're Shallow.
When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man's character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you're not married, I already know it isn't. Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit.
Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy. And they never feel like cooking, either.

3. We're Sluts.
Yes we’re nice but maybe too nice, in offering your goodies just because you want to get married... {remember the movie – jumping the broom}. Hooking up with some guy in a hot tub on a rooftop is fine for the ladies of Jersey Shore -- but they're not trying to get married. You are. Which means, unfortunately, that if you're having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop. Why? Because past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin -- it doesn't stay recreational for long.
That's due in part to this thing called oxytocin -- a bonding hormone that is released when a woman a) nurses her baby and b) has an orgasm -- that will totally mess up your casual-sex game. It's why you can be sleeping around with some dude who isn't even all that great and the next thing you know, you're totally strung out on him. And you have no idea how it happened. Oxytocin lol, that's how it happened. And since nature can't discriminate between marriage material and Charlie Sheen, you're going to have to start being way more selective than you are right now.
Think about this, he may not marry you so why settle because he said hi’? A little romance is good but men don’t give any form of assurance that if you sleep with them or better still get pregnant that they’ll in turn marry you... let’s stop deceiving ourselves jor.

4. We LIE.
It usually goes something like this: you meet a guy who is cute and likes you, but he's not really available for a relationship. He has some condition that absolutely precludes his availability, like he's married, or he gets around town on a power bike. Or maybe he just comes right out and says something cryptic and open to interpretation like, "I'm not really available for a relationship right now."
You know if you tell him the truth -- that you're ready for marriage -- he will stop calling. Usually that day. And you don't want that. So you just tell him how perfect this is because you only want to have sex for fun! You love having fun sex! And you don't want to get in a relationship at all! You swear!
About ten minutes later, the oxytocin kicks in. You start wanting more. But you don't tell him that. That's your secret -- just between you and 22,000 of your closest girlfriends. Instead, you hang around, having sex with him, waiting for him to figure out that he can't live without you. I have news: he will never "figure" this out. He already knows he can live without you just fine. And so do you. Or you wouldn't be lying to him in the first place.

5. We're Selfish{me, myself & i}.
If you're not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think about your thighs, your outfits, your naso-labial folds. You think about your career, or if you don't have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training. Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy -- or at least a guy with a really, really good job -- would solve all your problems.

Howevs, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself. She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids. This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt. The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello! It's not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her. Which is also to say -- if what you really want is a baby, go get you one. Your husband will be along shortly. Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios.

6. We're Not Good Enough{self esteem issues}.
Oh, I don't think that. You do. I can tell because you're not looking for a partner who is your equal. No, you want someone better than you are: better looking, better family, better job.
Here is what you need to know: You are not good enough right this minute. Period. Not understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who don't know their own worth make terrible wives. Why? You can fake it for a while, but ultimately you won't love your spouse any better than you love yourself. Smart men know this.
I see this at my son's artsy, progressive school. Of 183 kids, maybe six have moms who are as cute as you're trying to be. They're attractive, sure. They're just not objects. Their husbands (wisely) chose them for their character, not their cup size.

Alright, so that's the bad news. The good news is that I believe every woman who wants to can find a great partner. You're just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won't. Once the initial high wears off, you'll just be you, except with twice as much laundry.

Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something -- it's about giving it. Strangely, men understand this more than we do. Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession -- a free-agent penis -- and for us, it's the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built lalaland lol.

The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don't deserve it. Because most of the time, your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to. But as you give him love anyway -- because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self -- you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along:

I need all the single ladies out there to join heads with me and find an answer + a solution.

Love.
LIZZY {not their real names}